Our family has a long list of holiday traditions for both Thanksgiving and Christmas... I figured it would be nice to record them for posterity.
The day before Thanksgiving:1. Mom must wear her red and green apron. I must wear my black apron with the multi colored snowflakes.
2. The cheesecakes must be made first, and they must be made with a wood spoon.
3. Mom must always remind me of the raw egg in the cheesecake batter while I'm licking it off of the spatula. I must then say that I don't care, and she must then bring up the fact that HER mother always made them egg nog that was whole milk, sugar, vanilla, and RAW EGGS. I then say that I don't know how she survived her childhood (she got hit by a truck, too).
4. The pumpkin pies must be made after that, and they must be made with the antique spoon in the white mixing bowl with the pour spout.
5. When the pumpkin pies are cooking, they must be checked with the antique butter knife because it doesn't have any serrations on it.
6. My mom must burn herself once sometime during the day.
7. Bree must make the Pink Stuff salad even though she doesn't eat it.
8. The stuffing broth-absorption-holes must be made with mom's finger. Nobody else's. Mom's.
9. I must eat at least a cup of dry stuffing while the water, butter, celery and onion are being mixed in.
10. The pie dough cinnamon rolls are made last, and we must battle for counter space while doing so.
11. That's when the burn happened this year, btw.
12. My dad fixes up the turkey that night which involves copious amounts of squirt butter, salt, and pepper. He then must hunt for a basting brush to smear it all around with, and that brush must then leave a few bristles behind that he then bitches about as he removes them from the turkey.
On Thanksgiving:1. The Macy's parade must be watched with coffee and pie dough cinnamon rolls (although for me it means the last 30 minutes to an hour just to see Santa).
2. The neighbors must host their annual football game, and all of their guests must take up every single parking spot in front of our house so none of our guests have anyplace to park. Every. Year.
3. The dog must stand guard of the oven while the turkey is still cooking.
4. My parents must make the gravy.
5. Bree must stir it on the stove.
6. I must make the relish tray and slice up the cranberry sauce because we're classy and eat the good stuff out of the can. No, I don't want the other kind.
7. Michelle and I must make the yams.
8. My uncle Gordon must blend the mashed potatoes.
9. My dad must get all the turkey off of the bones while feeding roughly a pound of it to the dog (now that we have one again).
10. Uncle Gordon must have the liver from the giblet bag. Yeah, I know, it makes me think of
"Save the neck for me, Clark!", too.
11. Michelle must watch the Cowboys game. All of us do, but for her it's life and death and nothing short of a fire will tear her away from the screen. There will be much screaming, 95% of it from her.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!